This post is about my internal process teaching my son to fly. He has a passion to become a pilot and it is quite the process to literally be the wind beneath his wings until the real wind becomes the wind beneath his wings..
I have become quite familiar with the process people go through when the impossible becomes possible. I have seen it happen many times in personal development programs. Once you open up you mind that perhaps maybe your dreams can come true it changes you in some way and it feels great.
And then.. you come back to reality and you realize in order for your dreams to come true you have to start doing some things differently. You have to go beyond your comfort zone. You have to... at some level move beyond your fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of being successful, fear of disappointing your family, fear of becoming a bigger version of yourself than you ever thought possible.
It is in those times when you have to do that first thing differently; submit that application, tell your parents you are old enough to make your own decisions, take a financial risk to pay for training etc. It is in those moments that the biggest fears come up. You remember that time when you were ten years old and you didn't know it was gasoline and that you were literally playing with fire and you were scolded deeply. You remember that time when you didn't follow through on paperwork and didn't get the job or the date or the award. You remember all the times in your life where you didn't step up and were able to hide under the radar without anybody noticing little old you.
Participating in this process as a parent of a young man is QUITE different. I already know how to do this as I have confronted many fears of my own and have some comfort in discomfort. I have successfully stepped up to the plate in bigger and bigger areas and it has turned out even though it was hard work both mentally and physically. How much do you coach your child, how many times do you let them fail, at what point do you give up and tell them it's time to lower their expectations and get a "normal job" .
I thought to myself if angels were real, is this what it feels like? To clear all the paths and wait for a human to take the next step. To send subtle messages that are not heard or not read. To keep trying even when they don't. Do you start talking louder or step back until they ask for help in desperation?..
When I see my child do things that seem sabotage them it hurts. I have a deep belief that we are all connected and in many ways the problems on the planet are inherited trauma. So I feel compelled to go back in my memory banks of times I have done something similar when something undesirable happens to people in my circle ESPECIALLY my children. I comb my mind about all the existing foibles I have outstanding even if it is to a lesser extent and do my best to go back and fix them.My solid belief is that in some way "if I don't figure this out, it will be passed onto my child and their path will be harder because they don't have a role model or the morphic resonant field around them hasn't been cleared"..
I don't know... It's all a jumble and we are in the messy middle. So I am publishing this only on my blog which very few if any people will read as a placeholder on how it feels in the "messy middle".
To be at the edge of the edge myself (moving to another country, going after my dreams, coming home to an uncertain career, being in the middle of a major business deal) is one thing. To then have to "turn LEFT NOW", drop everything and coach/network from afar for your bloodline is different and more difficult. I had to get over my own self-doubt of the selfishness of living my dreams before I could be present.. If indeed there is life on other planets and our genetic lineage is related to us in anyway, I wonder if they feel a little bit like this too... So many questions...
Today's mantra.. "Do what you can with what you have.. take deep breaths ...get support from your trusted network that has a positive attitude... ignore all others until you get through this. Have faith. Visualize it all happening and turning out positive . Visualize this in MASSIVE DETAIL..
take more deep breaths... execute one step at a time thoughtfully ... take more deep breaths.. "